Liverpool have a ‘cow in ice’ up front as Elon Musk to rename Anfield after replacing idle FSG

FSG are in the process of ballsing it up for Liverpool again but what would Elon Musk do in his first ten days as owner? Also, should Manchester United have given Erik ten Hag more time?

Musk’s first ten days as Liverpool owner

With Elon Musk definitely set to purchase Liverpool (at least according to our ever-reliable tabloids), I ordered my team of boffins to fire up the quantum supercomputer and predict the world’s richest man’s first – and last – ten days as club owner.

Day 1: Musk buys Liverpool FC with US Government money and his first acts as owner are to rename Anfield ‘QAnonfield’ and replace the Liverbird on the club badge with one of those heelarious smiley fox dog things.

Day 2: Has it written into the club’s records that he was their founder, top scorer and greatest ever manager.

Day 3: Appoints Rupert Lowe as finance director and Joe Rogan as fitness coach who then implements a training regime that entails drinking liquidised copies of Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged and microdosing on Ketamine.

Day 4: Musk Sacks Mo Salah, pronouncing him to be a DEI hire.

Day 5: Appoints himself manager and conducts team selection via Twitter Poll.

Day 6: After losing 164-0 to Borussia Dortmund with a team featuring James Corden and the woman that put the cat in the bin up front, Musk cuts off satellite access for Germany.

Day 7: Musk, having sacked all his SpaceX engineers for ‘being too woke’, starts designing his own rockets with the intention of launching them as part of the half-time show at QAnonfield. Unfortunately the first launch explodes into the Kop end, obliterating the famous stand. With the stadium almost empty apart from a handful of Musk fanboys, the only casualty is the guest of honour, Nigel Farage, who suffers a slightly singed left buttock.

Day 8: Having alienated every single Liverpool fan, Musk’s plans to entice female supporters to the ground by offering them a free pot of his man milk are met with widespread disgust.

Day 9: Musk’s ‘cost-cutting’ measure to sack all club security staff and replace them with ED-209s goes wrong in the most predictable way as they tear through the city. Total carnage is averted however as they fail to negotiate the steps at St George’s Hall.

Day 10: After protest on the streets from Spirit of Shankly where they call him mean, nasty names, Musk announces he’s ditching Liverpool and buys Man Utd from the Glazers instead. Already a hero in Salford, he appoints Wayne Rooney as manager. Their form remains dreadful but suffers no noticeable decline. Musk finally discovers inner peace and validation through watching Antony’s stepovers in slow motion and retires from public life.

Quarantino, ITFC, Chairman of the Bored

Liverpool’s ‘cow on ice’

Home to LA now after nearly a month in the UK, not having expected coming back to a smoggy orange-black sky and large smoldering patches of a city in ruin. Jet-lag helped in waking 4am here to see our early cup tie vs Accrington Stanley at Anfield, but forgive me the few mottled remarks I want to make.

– the match was skitterish for half a half, and quite surprised to see Alexander-Arnold starting today; draw your own conclusions there

– initially thought we’d never keep a clean sheet with Endo pushing high in VVD’s spot against a speedy forward

– despite assisting the opener Darwin had me tearing my hair out again all match long; I recall Maria Sharapova once calling herself a cow on ice (in a rare show of self-deprecation); draw your own connections there

– had only seen a few YouTube clips of Ngumoha playing in various Unders before today… watching him for 70 min finally gave me more clarity what the hype is about; the kid is sensational (1st half especially), made up we’ve nicked him off Chelsea, he looks incredibly promising

sheer joy to watch another Jayden Danns loping run thru the center of the park and doing exactly what cows on ice cannot with a tidy poacher’s finish

– I’d worried Chiesa was becoming an Italian Arthur Melo for us and we’d never see him lace up properly, and not that one strike moves the needle much, but how could you not love the beaming smile on this man’s face after all he’s been through

– right, it’s back to bed now for me goodnight

Eric, Los Angeles CA (I’ve noticed for years the Kop hangs a banner that reads Los Angeles You Are Too Hot, and while I know the Morrisey track I’ve never understood why it’s hung there. Well I still don’t, but suffice to say it resonates deeply for me at the moment.)

Man City to test brittle Liverpool

The sky blue tetris bricks are gliding into place to put City in prime position to take advantage if Liverpool’s squad crumbles too much under the weight of battling on four fronts.

At the back the loose ( overplayed ) pieces are Virgil and Gravenberch . Scousers are no doubt keeping everything crossed that they both make it through winter and keep going into the Spring.

You would think that Arne’s summer saving would allow him to bring in a Marc Guehi type long term solution, though there are no noises so far.

The other defensive fragile bits are, I guess, Konate , Bradley, Robertson and the Greek fellah Tsimikas (?)

To which I wonder whether Dominik has been pressed into whispering to his international team mate about how the docks are far funkier and culturally cooler than the Dorset coast.

Once again I do not get the ‘having to’ play in four competions these days , its ludicrous.

Psycologically, having Pep in the rearview mirror with City’s recent history of come backs etc will test the mettle of Slot and his crew.

Peter . ( good to see Graham Porter back ). Andalucia.

Do FSG never learn?

Staunch Liverpool supporter for over 50 years.

Do we NEVER learn from our past lessons?

Right now we are standing in a great position to win the league.

BUT, we are only a few injuries to key players, or a bit of lack of form (EG last 2 games) from being pulled back.

We were in a similar position last year chasing for 4 trophies and what did FSG do – nothing!

They have been slow in addressing the contract issues of 3 key players.

And worse, do they not realize than NOW is the time to strengthen the squad.

So here’s my new years wish list:

1) A new left back – Love Robbo, but he is slowing down and can’t play all the games and Tsimikas has been awful lately.

2) A solid Center back – If we lose Virgil we are f***ed, Konate is good but injury prone and Quansah just isn’t quite ready for a starting spot against better teams. Joe is also injured.